CCEF
Helping Relationships: Final Paper
Take one skill discussed in lecture that has taken root and identify how you applied it in your own life, both in your extended conversation and in your church relationships. What is the rich biblical foundation that animates and brings this skill to life? How does the skill connect directly to Scripture?
Lastly, consider how the Spirit has shaped you through these skills more broadly. How do they change the way you live with people in your church? Where have you seen significant application of methods to one individual relationship you have in your church? In what ways do you anticipate the Spirit continuing to work in these areas in the context of church or your small group community?
The skill of knowing people
The one skill that has impacted me and taken root in my life is the skill of knowing people. In his lectures, Ed Welch would often talk about having purposeful conversations and asking deeper questions so that you can know that person better. As I mentioned in my first post, I do believe that God had already somewhat gifted me in this way BEFORE the beginning of this class, but I have a confession; I think in my relationships with non believers, my ultimate desire is for them to know Christ, and so my conversations to know people well are peppered with a bit of a “project mentality.” It is good that I want them to know Jesus, but upon reflection, I think I am a bit shocked to reflect on the skill of knowing people and realize that Ed Welch never once mentioned evangelism. As he taught us the skill of knowing people, it was so that we can love people. Full stop. The non believing friends, doctors, store clerks or hair dressers are not projects. (I mean, I know this… but it’s hitting home in a new way right now). We learn and practice the skills of knowing people well so that we can love people well.
In my conversations with my “extended conversation partner,” I didn’t feel the pressure of her being a project as she is already a believer. We were able to do some really great heart work, and I felt free to know her so that I could help push her to Jesus. Our conversations got very personal, and I am thankful that she felt comfortable enough with me to open up and share sin, struggles and successes. I was able to ask questions that dug a bit further into situations and her life, and she was always more than willing to share, which I was very thankful for.
One of the areas of “knowing people” impacted me enough that I was able to do a small teaching on it with our “partners” (members) at church. It was in the area of moving toward and greeting one another at church. Welch encourages us to prioritize greeting in this way:
“The visitor (what Scripture calls the ‘foreigner’ or ‘alien’) comes first. The visitor who returns comes next. The less popular, the introverts, the marginalized, or those sitting alone come next. Then come the children. Jesus singles them out as examples of the marginalized. ‘Hi, _______’ is offered to as many people as possible, which doesn’t have to be accompanied by a hug or a handshake. Good friends are interspresed thtrough these greetings, but they are left for later if time is short.” (Welch, 2015, p.76)
At our partner’s meeting, I was able to talk about how this quote impacted me, and I how I was convicted that I might feel comfortable welcoming and greeting new people, but that I am not always comfortable greeting our elderly people at church. I confessed that to the group, and we used Ed Welch’s reflection questions at the end of the chapter to challenge our own hearts if there were people that were maybe difficult to move towards.
The Rich Biblical Foundation
The rich biblical foundation that brings the “knowing people” skill to life is that the Lord God knows us intimately and moves toward us. In Isaiah 45:3b it says, “that you may know that it is I, the Lord, the God of Israel, who call you by your name.” He knows us and calls us personally. In John 15:15 Jesus says, “No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends.” The God of the universe calls us his friend and shares his plans and purposes with us. In Mark 9:37 Jesus says, “Whoever receives one such child in my name receives me, and whoever receives me, receives not me but him who sent me.” The reason we know people and desire to know people is because we actually get to experience deeper relationship with Jesus when we move towards others, especially those who are marginalized or on the fringes. As we practice knowing others, our own relationship and closeness to Jesus grows.
How the Spirit has Shaped Me
As I reflect on my time in this class, I feel like the Spirit has shaped me most vividly through the act of prayer. Now, in all honesty, our church is also going through a sermon series on prayer, so I think it may be two-fold. I am convinced that prayer is the driver for all spiritual movement. I cannot do any good in relationships, I cannot see any fruit or growth without the Lord’s work. And the best way to move the Lord’s hand is through prayer. I am convinced prayer works, and reading through The Heart of the Servant Leader just spurred me on as well. As we know each other well, we must also pray for one another. I have been spurred on to “text pray” for friends when they mention in a text message that they are struggling with something. I have also been learning to reach out when I need prayer. This is definitely still something I would like to work on, but I can see good forward movement in that area. In one specific friendship from church, this last month has had more asking for prayer from her and I both. It is easy enough to just write out your prayer in a text message, and I have been blessed when she has done it for me as well. I anticipate that the Spirit is going to continue working on creating our church to be better pray-ers as a whole. One positive is that after I have “text prayed” for a new believer a few times, she has now done the same for me twice. This woman is still fairly new to our church, and I have been encouraged to see her step out of her comfort zone and write out her prayer for me. I hope and pray that our church and small group will continue to grow in knowing each other and praying for one another well.
References
Welch, E. (2015). Side by Side: Walking With Others in Wisdom and Love. (p 76). Illinois: Wheaton. Crossway
Read Full Post | Make a Comment ( None so far )Helping Relationships: Reflection Paper 3
The Instructions
Give a brief personal* summary of the section of Lecture 26, Keep in Step with the Spirit. How did it affect you, and how might you use it with another person?
*Personal means to be affected by that which you are responding to, whether it be a conversation, lecture, or reading. Being personal does not mean you are simply amassing information, but rather you are processing and responding to the information in a personal way.
Summary of the Lecture
Ed Welch talks about how the Holy Spirit is not the shy member of the trinity. He is the Spirit of power and of change. I grew up in a pretty conservative Baptist church, and though I knew there was the Father, Son and Holy Spirit, I didn’t hear much about the Holy Spirit. The Sunday sermons were pretty focused on God or Jesus and what they have done, and the Old and New Testament Bible stories and how they might apply to our lives. It wasn’t until Bible school that I truly learned who the Holy Spirit is. The best explanation I received on the Holy Spirit is that the Holy Spirit’s job is to live Jesus’s life through us. This is freeing because it means it is not up to me to produce fruit, to create change in my own life, or to be “on mission” all by myself. It is the Holy Spirit’s job to do these things in and through me. And that can be/should be freeing in gospel counselling as well! Most people who are going to counselling or choosing counselling likely feel like they are in need of help or support in at least one area of their life. How freeing might it feel to go to counselling and hear that yes, there will be work that the client must do, but that the real heart work and behaviour change comes from the Spirit of God at work within us? I could cry just thinking about that good, good news!
Welch talks about 3 things that the Spirit does. 1) The Spirit is walking with us and beside us. He brings us the presence of Jesus and unites us to Him. 2) The Spirit transforms us into Jesus’s likeness. 3) The Spirit gives us confidence in the union with him and He wants us to be certain of that union.
1) The Spirit is walking with us and besides us
A few years back, I was going through a rough marriage patch, and I felt alone in marriage. Some of the visuals from the Psalms brought rich comfort to my soul. The Spirit walks beside us and with us and points us to his character. As I flip through my Bible, some of the passages I underlined and highlighted during that time were Psalm 18:1-2 “I love you, O Lord my strength. The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God my rock, in whom I take refuge.” Psalm 27:5- “For he will hide me in his shelter in the day of trouble; he will conceal me under the cover of his tent; he will lift me high upon a rock.” Psalm 36:7-9 “The children of mankind take refuge in the shadow of your wings. They feast on the abundance of your house, and you give them drink from the river of your delights. For with you is the fountain of life; in your light do we see light.” Those images came alive as the Spirit walked beside me through that hard time. His “shadow” was near me and over me, and the imagery from the Psalms was especially powerful through that time.
2) The Spirit transforms us into Jesus’s likeness
When I was in Bible School, I remember a speaker telling us that it is hard to see our own Christian growth. If you plant a seed and keep digging it up to see if it is growing, it will never grow. In the same way, if believers naval gaze and always try to figure out if they are growing, and how much they are growing, their growth will actually be stunted. It is the Spirit who transforms us into Jesus, and it is not our job to “check in” on how He is doing. It is our job to be obedient to what he calls us to. Something I have been convicted on lately is my attitude at my workplace. Man, do I struggle with getting stuck in negative conversations and gossip. Sure I pray about it, and try to repent about it when I am convicted, but alas, the conversations keep happening around me, and I continue to fall into them. I likely need to do a better job at battling this, but I pray that the Spirit transforms me more into Jesus’s likeness in this way. I would love to look more like Jesus in this way. Holy Spirit, please help me!
3) The Spirit gives us confidence in our union with Him
One of the best sermons I have heard about having confidence in knowing we are saved, comes from Paul Washer. It is a sermon entitled, “Are you really a Christian?” In it he talks about how we can know and have confidence that we are ‘with’ Jesus and have union with Him. Paul Washer’s argument, much like Ed Welch’s point, is that it is the Holy Spirit’s job. It is the Spirit who gives us confidence in our union. Washer says, “He who gives you grace to repent and believe, gives you grace to continue repenting and to continue believing.” His main point in the sermon is that the way you know you are a Christian is that you continue to see the work of the Spirit in your life. It is not about accepting Jesus one time and now you have “Jesus in your heart.” It is about continuing to walk with the Spirit. Washer says, “The evidence that you are truly converted is not that at one time in your life you prayed a prayer and asked Jesus to come in. The evidence that you are converted is that one time in your life, you repented of your sins, and you continue repenting today.” When I am brought to repentance by the Spirit, in the same moment the Spirit is gifting me with the confidence that I am unified with Him. It is not true repentance unless we have turned from our sin and turned to Christ. We don’t stay in our sin. The beauty of repentance IS that we are unified in the finished work of Jesus on the cross and we move forward in joy, leaving the weight of sin behind. Hebrews 12:1b-2a “Let us lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfector of our faith.
Conclusion and Application
My hope is that I can use these principles in counselling when I am helping others walk in obedience to Jesus. I want to use Scripture, specifically the Psalms, to help my clients see the closeness of Jesus in their times of trouble. I want to help them understand that it is the Spirit who is going to change them. As much as they have a small role to play in responding to the Spirit’s work, it is not their job to dig up/find out what the Spirit is doing in them; the Spirit of God transforms us into Jesus’s likeness. I also want to help those I counsel see that it is a gift from God when the Spirit shows them their sin so they can repent of it. I would be much more concerned if someone I am counselling is unable to see their own sin. When they come weak and heavy laden with sin, I want to be able to help them repent and “then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” Lord, give them confidence of their union with You.
Read Full Post | Make a Comment ( None so far )Helping Relationships: Reflection Paper- Part 2
Have you heard the story attributed to Ernest Hemingway, when at lunch with other writers that he boasted he could write a novel in six words? He bet that he could, then penned, “For sale, baby shoes, never worn.” This story is understood to be an urban myth rather than a true account, but it has inspired writers and teachers to pick up the challenge! Think about what is most important to you. What is a key feature of your faith, life or character, or what you desire to achieve? This is challenging, but we are looking for creativity here! Here are a few examples that I could write and expand upon:
“Loving God and others, a blessing.”
“Music opens my heart and eyes.”
“Faithful to the end; can I?”
“Let me ask before I speak.”
Describe yourself in 6 words that tell the story of you. Expand this into a longer story that gives an explanation for each (1 page total). Then, describe someone else using the same method. Also, include an explanation. (1 page total) Consider sending the person who blessed you a thank you note.
I am describing my husband (with his permission)
Open honest pessimist that loves Jesus
My husband is a very open honest guy. I really do love that about him. He is willing to share his struggles, he tells you what he thinks, and unlike me, he does not struggle with people’s approval. However, he is also a pessimist! Despite being married to a forever optimist, he still seems to always see the glass half empty. We often joke that Jon always sees the grass as greener somewhere else. For example, I see Jon do this with how much or how little he works. If he isn’t working a ton, he starts wishing he had more work. He sometimes worries about the money part of that etc. If he is working a lot, he wishes he had more time off and time to himself (even though he is probably doing better money wise at the moment). We talk a lot about being content, and I really do see God working in his heart in that area. That leads me to the next point; Jon loves Jesus. I have seen Jesus grow and stretch him over our years of marriage in numerous ways. It is a gift for me to see him follow Jesus down the path of trust and obedience. Sometimes it takes a while, because Jon hates change, but what more beautiful thing can a wife ask for than to see her husband trusting Jesus with difficult things and praying for a renewed, softened heart? My prayer is that he continues to see the hope of Jesus- even through his lens of pessimism/realism. I want him to know Jesus deeper, and keep falling more and more in love with him as his relationship with Christ grows.
Read Full Post | Make a Comment ( None so far )Helping Relationships: Reflection Paper 2, Part 1
Prompt: Have you heard the story attributed to Ernest Hemingway, when at lunch with other writers that he boasted he could write a novel in six words? He bet that he could, then penned, “For sale, baby shoes, never worn.” This story is understood to be an urban myth rather than a true account, but it has inspired writers and teachers to pick up the challenge! Think about what is most important to you. What is a key feature of your faith, life or character, or what you desire to achieve? This is challenging, but we are looking for creativity here! Here are a few examples that I could write and expand upon:
“Loving God and others, a blessing.”
“Music opens my heart and eyes.”
“Faithful to the end; can I?”
“Let me ask before I speak.”
Describe yourself in 6 words that tell the story of you. Expand this into a longer story that gives an explanation for each (1 page total). Then, describe someone else using the same method. Also, include an explanation. (1 page total) Consider sending the person who blessed you a thank you note.
Toiling for God; Freed to live
Toiling for God: My story is one of God’s work and hand consistently over my life. I was blessed to grow up going to church with my family. I learned about Jesus, God, and the Bible, and our family was very active in different ministries. I had little journals I kept in elementary and high school, and when I go back and read them, I genuinely was striving for holiness and righteousness. I look back on the Bible I had in high school, and some of the passages I had underlined were ones like 1 Peter 1:15-16- Be holy, for I am holy. I was a very busy high schooler, and I was involved in something every night of the week. Many of the things were volunteer positions or serving in the church somehow. Like many Christian teenagers who grew up in the early 00’s, I had very strong feelings about purity, dating, sex, and relationships. It’s actually funny because I have had this blog forever, and back in 2007, I actually posted the story about our engagement which talks a lot about our pretty “severe” views on love and marriage. If only I could show you our “boundary rules” we came up with while dating so that we could try and save ourselves until marriage. I think I still have a copy of them somewhere. I will try and find them and post a picture in this post! I was really “toiling for God,” and to some extent I believed that God was happy to have me on his team.
Freed to live: However, a huge changing point in my life was when I went to the Torchbearer Bible School in Germany called Bodenseehof. Within the first week, our main speaker said the words, “Stop trying to live for Jesus, and let him live through you.” His analogy was along the lines of, “What if Jesus was to ‘die’ inside of you today? What if he was to cease existing in you? Would you keep doing the same things? Or would there be an actual change in your behaviour and actions?” I was shaken up by this thought. I really started to see that a lot of my behaviour and who I thought I was was tied to what I was doing “for God.” It was not Jesus living through me, but me living for God. Those 6 months at Bible School really redirected my spiritual path, and it was there I began to understand who the Holy Spirit was in my life; how it was the Holy Spirit’s job to live Jesus’s life through me. Anything done in the flesh would not produce fruit, and it is only by Him and through Him that the Spirit produces fruit in my life and ministry. That was such a freeing understanding for me, as I strive to live this unique mystery which is, “Christ in me, the hope of glory.” -Colossians 1:27
Read Full Post | Make a Comment ( None so far )Helping Relationships: Week 3 “Reflection Paper on Small Talk”
Small talk can be defined as polite and casual conversation about unimportant and uncontroversial matters—sports, weather, a TV show or movie, a recent purchase, talk about other people that might move toward gossip. Many cultures use small talk as a way to first get to know someone. Small talk is usually a good thing and part of knowing someone, but how can you become increasingly skillful with your small talk? Our goal is to become more skillful in every conversation. Answer the following:
- Do you engage in small talk?
- How have you moved (nudged) small talk to even more important places?
- What questions or phrases do you use?
- In light of this, how are you growing to be more skillful with your conversations? Include specific examples.
- 1) Do I engage in small talk? Yes. I think in our culture, it is really hard not to engage in small talk when going about your daily life. The teacher’s union I am in right now has called two strike days where teachers have to go to our legislative buildings in our city and picket. This is obviously not ideal, and no one likes to go on strike, but it has been a nice time to catch up and see former colleagues and friends that I haven’t seen in years. As you run into different people, small talk inevitably flows, and you can quickly catch up before you are swept away into the mob of people and you keep walking on.
- 2) How have you moved (nudged) small talk to even more important places? Thankfully I feel like God has gifted me to get deep with people really quickly. I hope it’s because people know I care, and so they are willing to answer some of my deeper questions, but I don’t tend to shy away from deeper conversations. In fact, quite the opposite. I sometimes wonder if I go too deep too often, and I sometimes need to learn to “chill” a bit. I usually move small talk to deeper conversation by bringing up things I know about their life and then asking pointed questions.
- 3) I mentioned this in one of my first posts for this class, but I tend to use the F.O.R.D. method for small talk. It stands for Family, Occupation, Recreation, and Dreams. I first heard it from a professor at Bible School. The best part about this model is that it can be as deep or as surface level as someone wants. When I ran into my friend this week, the first thing I asked them was about their family. They shared some really hard news with me that had to do with relationships. They could have easily jumped into talking about the things their child is involved in that are great and fun, but they shared the hard stuff. I really appreciated that. It also allowed me to ask some follow up questions that went to a bit more of the heart matter there.
- 4) In light of this, how are you growing to be more skillful with your conversations? The biggest thing that I have been aware of is from my first week’s reflection around how much I talk/enter into the conversation. I am so thankful that this was brought up the first week, because it is singlehandedly one of the biggest areas I am aware of and working on right now. I mostly need to remember that when I am small talking with a friend, I am not counselling them. I don’t just need to ask questions. I can leave space for them to ask me questions. I can throw in some of my own stories, struggles, and thoughts. I am not a better friend when I’m trying to control the conversation to make things go deep. I am the best type of friend when I am listening to the Spirit, and actually allowing the Spirit to move and guide the conversation the way He wants it to go.
Helping Relationships: Week 2/Part 2 “Illustrating Personal”
Illustrate “Personal”: The word personal will be a theme throughout the lectures, and it is important that you understand it.
How would you define and describe “Personal”? What does it mean to be personal?
Illustrate how God is personal
Illustrate how you have not been personal
Illustrate how you have been personal
I would define personal by saying it is something important to the individual. It is often intimate, close to the heart, and connective.
To be personal with someone else means that you are good at connecting with them. Practically, it might mean asking good questions and reciprocating relationship through also sharing about yourself.
God is personal because 1) He offers us Himself through His word. He describes his intimate character and love through the pages of the Bible. 2) He offers us Himself through the Holy Spirit. We are in Christ, and Christ is in us. (Derek Burnside does a great job of explaining the complexity of this in this lecture.) 3) God is personal because he is not some distant, far off, removed supernatural being. He hears our prayers and answers them, and through His omnipresence, he answers prayer in all forms of time: past, present and future.
In my week one reflection, I talk about how I have not always done a good job at being personal. I would ask good questions and dig deeper into other’s lives, but I wouldn’t always leave space for others to ask about me, and I would often rush through my own answers so I could be “the better friend” and get back to talking about them. It is something I have been convicted of, and have repented of.
One way that I do feel like I have been personal would be in church settings such as Sunday morning sharing times or our small group. I have chosen to be honest about my own sin, my struggles with how hard marriage is, and sharing examples from my life when leading worship. Myself (and others from church) were asked to share on Sunday, December 31st during a prayer and vision Sunday. I chose to share how one of the more difficult things for me is continuing to work at marriage. I shared how communication is difficult for my husband and myself, and how we have to plan out twice a week talk nights just to make sure we are on the same page and checking in with one another holistically. I had a woman who was a visitor that week come up to me after the service and thank me for talking about how difficult marriage is. It is not often heard from the front of churches, and she seemed genuinely thankful that someone else shared that marriage, even Christian marriage can be hard! I was thankful that my honesty and striving to be personal could help her feel seen and heard in that moment.
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