From Homelessness to Abandonment: Solving the World’s Problems 1 Blog Post at a Time

Posted on January 8, 2015. Filed under: cheerleading, Ed800 |

Watch this video first. This blog post is a response to the video for my Ed800 class. These were the…

Questions to ponder while watching videos

  • Are you surprised that these videos can be the outcome of “research”?

  • Which did you find touched you most?

  • What is your interest in research methods?

  • What do you fear most?

Seeing the interviews as research resonates with me more than “book/article research” because these are the types of human interactions that I am comfortable with. Talking with people and hearing their story is a way that everyone finds a place for “research” in their life. I truly believe the best part of the human experience is about connecting with people and finding a deeper moment when sharing one another’s lives. I really appreciate that these two videos were the first in our look at research.

There were two points that resonated with me in the first video.  The first one was when one of the men talked about not having a peace when he was walking the streets. My first reaction was critical.  My initial thought was that peace is a word that defines something spiritual, and that the word he was looking for was comfort; he did not have comfort when he was walking the streets.  Then, I was convicted that no, in fact his struggle with homelessness was/is spiritual. As I started to think about what it would be like to roam the streets, I imagined the distress and unsettling cloud that would follow him. To pathetically attempt to connect this to my own life, I will give you an example; I can’t watch the movie Groundhog’s Day because I feel unsettled that the movie keeps repeating itself over and over. Every damn morning, Bill Murray’s character’s alarm went off, and I hated that it felt like there was no progression or resolution happening. I actually stopped watching the movie because I was so frustrated. So let’s think about this… I am UNSETTLED over a movie about a character repeating his day over and over. My best understanding of what the homeless man from the podcast’s unsettled feeling is a COMPARISON to a movie about a holiday. My FIRST reaction was to judge the man’s spiritual outlook and critique his word choice of peace. My thoughts changed. I entirely believe that the man in the podcast did not feel peace when walking the streets, and his day to day reality is probably my worst Groundhog’s Day nightmare.

The second thing that resonated with me in the first video was when one of the people brought up the fact that the Food Bank rarely has fresh fruit.  This was yet another time where someone who is in the “other” category has brought something to my attention that hasn’t ever crossed my mind.  If you chose to interview me ANY day of my life from birth until today, and you asked me what struggles I was having, or what was one thing that sucked about my day, I guarantee you a lack of fresh fruit would have never made that list.  I struggle with my body image, and I honestly feel better on the days when I have fresh fruit for lunch or breakfast.  When I go a day without my banana, or if we don’t have any apples in the house, I start to feel a little gross about myself, and I make sure that even if it’s just a quick stop, I’m sure to pop by the grocery store so I can pick some up for the next day. What a powerful awakening it is to hear that something as routine as my banana and apple in my lunch can be a treasured commodity in the life of a man or woman who is homeless.

What do I fear most? After reading the question, I didn’t know if it was actually asking what my biggest deepest fears were, or if he was talking about my biggest research fear. My simple research fear is the academic nature of research. I have been out of the academic world for long enough that I start to get scared thinking about the journal articles and research papers.  If I am Little Red Riding Hood lost in the University of Regina forest, then journal articles and research papers are definitely my Big Bad Wolf.

BUT… I think the real question, “What do I fear most?” is actually way more fun to answer. (Yes, I have a twisted sense of fun.)  I would have to say the thing I most fear is abandonment. Deep. I know. I actually have no logical reason to fear being abandoned. I was never left at a gas station when I was little, and neither of my parents left or took off. All I know is that it is a real fear of mine.  Now that I know this, it is easier to spot in my life, and it has made for some funny after thoughts when I have come to the root of it. For example, one time I was making cheer posters in my kitchen. (I coach a couple cheerleading teams in the city.) My kind husband was helping me make the posters. I started freaking out at him because he was cutting something wrong, or placing the letters incorrectly or SOMETHING. Basically, I was having some type of irrational control freak moment. I was later talking through this situation with a friend who has some background in counselling, and she had me go to the root of my mini freak out to see where it was coming from.  Are you ready for your mind to be blown? Here we go.  This was my thought process that she helped me map out.

1) If he made a mistake on the posters, they would look crappy.

2) If the posters looked crappy while the children were performing, everyone would be looking at me sitting in front of the cheerleading mat.

3) If everyone was judging me because of the crappy posters,

(here she asked me how it would make me feel…)

4) I would feel alone and abandoned.

RIGHT? Crazy I know. Anyways, apparently abandonment is truly one of my biggest fears, even though I doubt my prof was really wanting to know THAT much about my life. But in the spirit of honesty and straight sharing too much information,

What’s YOUR biggest fear?

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