How does parenting affect a child’s behavior?
I am now at the age where my friends are having kids, and my grade one student’s parents are getting closer to my age. My husband and I don’t have kids, so I admit lots of the parenting questions I will bring up in this post are all what I have seen, not experienced. But as I come in contact with more parents than I ever have in my life, I start to wonder some things…
(Warning: I have a feeling this post is going to turn into a nature vs. Nurture debate, but let’s see where it goes!)
The first thing I wonder is how much parent’s behavior towards their child affects the child’s behavior in school. When there is a child in school who just can’t seem to follow directions, I wonder where this behavior comes from. I have to admit, I don’t understand all the complexities of autism, ADHD, FAS, ODD, or other disorders that might cause defiance or lack of organization, so I will stick to the kids that have no visible or diagnosed disorder. Why does it seem impossible for some of these kids to listen and follow directions? Do they feel like these rules don’t apply to them? Do parents unintentionally teach these children to disobey by doing things for them, giving in to their every need, or allowing them to rule the roost at home? Yes, there might be developmental areas where the child is not as developed as other children in his or her grade, but then how do you explain the kids much younger who are able to follow directions and listen to instructions? Are these skills developmental or learned?
Looking back on schools 50-100 years ago, we can clearly see that expectations were different and discipline was different. Were children able to follow directions and instructions better back then? I run a pretty tight ship in terms of classroom expectations and usually my routines and procedures work for most students. Why don’t they work for those few children? If I compared the kid’s parents who follow directions to the kid’s parents who don’t/can’t, would I see a huge difference in how they run their household?
My second wonder is how parent’s behavior towards their child affects behavior in newborns. We have close friends who have a 2 month old, and I honestly feel sorry for them sometimes! Our poor friends try their very hardest to get their daughter to stop crying, but it seems like nothing works sometimes! My friend has read all the books with different opinions about just letting her cry it out, or trying to soothe the baby, but she still ends up asking, “What is wrong? Why won’t you stop crying?” I wonder how the parent’s behavior changes the babies. If parents run to their baby every time they cry, do they cry more often? If parents bounce and rock their babies, does it change the baby’s response and daily behavior? Seeing our friends parent sure makes me think about what I will do when I am a parent! Obviously it’s not as black and white as it seems. Will I be able to stick to one method, Baby Wise for example, or will I end up trying everything and anything?
If I’m completely honest with you, I err on the side of nurture. I tend to think that parenting has a lot to do with how you behave in school or life. I look at how I was brought up, and I see a direct correlation between my behaviour and my parent’s behaviour. I think of what was tolerated in my home, and what wasn’t. I look at the routines and procedures of our household and how they parallel routines and procedures at school. I like to think I was well behaved because I was raised to be!
This is me as a child. I am clearly well behaved- just look at me!
But honestly… I think it also just gives me an excuse and person to blame when I can’t seem to get some of my students to listen to my directions! Can’t be the teacher’s fault, must be the parents! LOL
Danielle's blog 
I’d recommend reading the book by Paul Tough. I just started and while there may be some common sense ideas here, for parents and early childhood educators, there are some significant points to consider, namely that the way we handle problems, stress, i.e. grit, will be critical in determining future success. Here’s a link to an article from the author. http://www.theglobeandmail.com/commentary/building-grit-with-joy-at-arts-school/article4518797/
Dean Shareski (@shareski)
October 29, 2012
Dean, interesting article. I am curious about how the connection to arts with help children follow directions. Maybe I should do my own little study and see if these kids can follow directions better when engaging in a form of the arts!
Danielle
November 2, 2012
We have our 9 year old grandson since about 7 weeks old. No mother is imvolved only the father and me and my wife. He seens to respect his teachers more than us. They say he is the perfect student in all respects but at home he has a bad temper talks back, scared of alot of things that a child shold not be, fights to do homework, and will not listen to us. He has to have it or do it his way. He is getting worse as he gets older , He is a sweet child but very hard headed. He is great around people and when out away from the house,but hat home he is a different child.
Thanks Pop
Billy Smith
January 28, 2013
Thanks for your response. I have many parents who say they don’t know who I am talking about when I tell them about how well behaved their child is in school. I even have parents tell me they use me as a threat at home! (If you don’t do this, I will tell Mrs. Maley that you weren’t listening etc.) I think every parent/guardian needs to come up with consistent discipline and rules and procedures that work for them and their family. On my other post, https://bahslerd.wordpress.com/2012/02/26/639/ I talk about the value of being consistent in discipline. Good luck! I’m sure you are a GREAT parent/grandpa
Danielle
February 4, 2013